My colleague Molly started this document the first night we found out that distance learning was a possibility. We know how hard it can be. We're doing it, too. We wanted to share some tips from our collective years of working with kids (both yours and our own.) Please feel free to share anything you think might be useful.
First of All - You’ve Got This
The best thing we can do for children (and ourselves, really) is to provide routine and figure out what you can control or make certain when everything else is not certain. YOU CAN STAY SANE! Trust me! But it takes work upfront AND LOTS of consistency and parent self-care. These are not have-tos but they are suggestions that I as a parent of two younger school-aged children have learned help things go well over the years.
This will Take Time - You can try things for a few days and then make changes.
We are all scrambling trying to fill spaces that may be here for a long time. No need to scramble! Slow down and prioritize. What is most important to work out in your family right now? How to all be together? Is it how to take personal responsibility? What is most important? Focus on that. Remember, we take six weeks at the beginning of the year to develop norms with each other so that we can function well as a group and individuals in a group space. You may not have six weeks but you can take four days! Know there will be challenges. Think progress, not perfection.
Be Clear About Expectations
Talk to your children about what it will mean for the family to be home together for an extended period of time. Work together to create household agreements and link them to their classroom rules. Ask them: What are some of the rules you follow at school? Which of those rules can we use at home? Write the agreements down, make sure everyone agrees to them, sign them, and post them somewhere visible in your home.
Let them know you will create regular routines and that EVERYONE'S needs will be met (parents included!) each day. Stress to them this is NOT homework, this is learning at home that their teacher has given them because they can’t be together. Remind them that their teacher and classmates look forward to connecting each day. And just like at school, their teacher expects them to do this work as well so they can learn and be ready for when we return to school.
Develop a Schedule - Start now, before Distance Learning Begins
This is probably the most important thing you can do. Develop a schedule with your child that includes their interests/needs AND yours.
- Keep it routine but not rigid. Let them know that each day they will be doing learning and playing at home - sometimes with a parent and sometimes independently.
- Set expectations for different times of the day and be firm about keeping them. Children will respond if you are clear and they are part of the decision making/understand the logic/reasoning behind it. Now is the time to be honest with our children and not placate their every want.
- Write the schedule up every day in the same place. Have your child help with the schedule. Use a timer and clock throughout the day.
- Make sure your schedule has a start time and an end time. Help your children to distinguish that even though they are working at home - maybe just like you - there will be time for work and time for play.
- Work in time for you. If you and your parenting partner (if you have one) are working from home, work out a schedule that fits each of your working needs. Communicate with your children which parent is available to help them and when. Also, work in some times in which they are totally independent and you are too. List those on your schedule so they can expect them. If one parent is always responsible, they may experience burn out. If only that parent is available to support the children, work in independent times for you while the children are occupied.
- Do similar things at the same time. Is there something you want or need to read? Schedule DEAR or independent reading time for your child at the same time.
- TAKE BREAKS and schedule them throughout the day. We routinely take a break of some sort - outdoors for 20 minutes, snack for 10 minutes, bathroom/drink/movement around the school breaks, transition to a new activity.
- Help your child make checklists or to-do lists that they can control. Write tasks that need to be completed (they can write their own or you can write them together) and give them check boxes so they can track their completion.
- Work household chores into the schedule of the day - Choose a room in the house you will tidy together, have them make snack for the family, teach them how to do their own laundry and put them in charge of washing their own clothing for a day, etc.
- Keep bedtimes, wake up times, and meal times routine.
- If parents and children are working in the same room, decide how and when your child can come to you with questions. For example, maybe you wear a special hat or something that indicates to the child that you are not able to be talked to at the moment? When the hat comes off, you are available.
Working With Siblings
Are there siblings that can help in the household? Are there siblings that will need support?
- Be Clear About Expectations - Now is the time to meet with them and talk about how your family is a team and we will all work together to make these new changes successful for everyone in the family. Remind the children of the problem solving chart to use.
- Give Children Their Own Spaces - Make sure they know when are times they are expected to work together or apart. Even if they are all in the same room, they should have a designated space to work.
- Be Mindful of Child Care Asks - If an older sibling is “in-charge” for a portion of the day, be aware of the effort that can take. Make a plan to help the older sibling feel extra appreciated at some point for their effort to support the family.
Choice Time
Choice time everyday! Maybe they spend some time engineering with legos. Maybe they spend some time drawing or coloring or playing a board game with you or other family members. By making “choice time” a clear part of the schedule, you honor it and eliminate the need for children asking for it constantly.
Rest Time
Many camps establish a set “me time” during the day to give everyone (counselors included) a chance to unwind. This is another time you can set boundaries and expectations around a child’s access to you. Quiet activities in a quiet space are key. This may be a great time to integrate music into the day.
Help Time
You don’t have to spend every moment they are “working” with your child. You might need to explain to them an activity or get them started. Once they can do it on their own, let them know you will be stepping away to do other things. Have them circle the things they were confused about and you can work on it together in a designated “I needed help” time. Younger children might benefit from a visual reminder (an open sign, a silly hat) of when you are available to them.
Get Outside
Don’t forget to get outside - ALL OF YOU! This could be at the beginning of your “school day” to get some fresh air to start, in the middle of the day before lunch (like recess!), marking the end of your “work day”, OR as PE at any time during the day.
- PE ideas
- Ball skills - dribbling, throwing, catching
- Walking/running around the block.
- Does your child know how to ride their bike? Could you use some fresh air and walk or run? Go together!
- Yoga! Cosmic Kids Yoga is a favorite of my kids https://www.youtube.com/user/CosmicKidsYoga
- https://app.gonoodle.com/ Has all sorts of activities related to movement. There are movements that enhance focus, calm, energy, etc.
Incentives
Kids are motivated by a lot of things - including wanting to feel like they are a contributing member of your family and a valued member of their class. Sometimes though, when the reward of a behavior is more abstract, an extrinsic incentive might be helpful. Give yourself permission. It’s O.K. - those of us who are parents sometimes use incentives in our homes, too.
Spark Joy (with compliments to Marie Kondo)
How can you incorporate different elements of joy, laughter, and fun together as a family? Maybe it is baking a batch of cookies, watching your favorite family show or movie, or finding an old family album to look through? Perhaps you will make a scavenger hunt around the house. Or simply, just read with them. Find ways that you already know are successful in making people in your family laugh and joyful (including yourself!)
Decision Fatigue
You are likely exhausted by making so many decisions right now. Your children are too. See what you can take off their plate and what you can take off yours. Take one day at a time and shift things as needed. Routines and expectations can be modified as needed - but you need to have someplace to start.
One Step at a Time
Of course, you might not have the capacity to do all or any of the things on this list. So I stress again, TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN about expectations. Get feedback from them about what they are excited about/interested in while also being clear with them about what you will need to do as a parent and what your availability will be during certain times. They are much more understanding than you may realize. If you set yourselves up for success by taking the time, everyone will be happier.